Breaking the Pattern: How Healing My Father Wound Set Me Free

Recently, I had a heartfelt conversation with a friend about our relationships with our fathers. Both of our fathers have passed, and as we shared memories, we recognized how deeply their lives — and their struggles shaped the paths we’ve walked as women.

My father never fit the traditional mold of his generation: the expectation to become a successful professional and provide comfortably for his family. Instead, he tried to live up to the dreams others had for him, first his mother, then my mother — becoming an optometrist because it was “the respectable thing.”

He practiced on the East Coast until I was three, then moved with us to California to be near my grandparents. He tried to pass the optometry board again in California but never did. His heart wasn’t in it. He became an optician instead, a choice that never satisfied my mother. She stressed constantly about money, criticized him for not being more successful, and fought with him over who was carrying the weight of the family. She later became a teacher, while he remained in a profession he didn’t enjoy.

What he truly was in his heart was a poet, a dreamer, a teacher, a sensitive soul born into a world where men were not allowed to be tender, artistic, or vulnerable. But in the 1950s and 60s, that kind of man was often ridiculed or dismissed. So he never allowed himself to follow what he genuinely loved because he didn’t believe it could support a family.

Those are my perceptions, of course, I cannot ask him now. But I’ve spent years healing what is commonly called the father wound, and for me, it was layered and complex. My father was also sexually inappropriate when I was young, so my feelings for him were a mix of love, pity, and repulsion. His tenderness coexisted with harm.

I share this because it shaped me deeply. And for most of my adult life, I allowed my inner masculine — the internal archetypal father within to follow in his footsteps.

Because I never had a father who could confidently support the family, protect boundaries, or trust himself to follow his purpose, I grew up unconsciously adopting those same beliefs. I put my spiritual awakening first in my twenties, postponing a career path. As a Gemini with endless interests, I explored everything that fascinated me. I didn't pursue a master’s degree in psychology, even though it would have given me a clearer profession.

Instead, I immersed myself in metaphysics, self-awareness, spirituality, and the emerging consciousness movement. I loved it — but it didn’t teach my inner masculine how to feel stable, grounded, or capable of supporting me. Like my father, my inner masculine didn’t believe I could support myself by doing what I loved.

So I took jobs that paid the bills but didn’t nourish me. I learned, I grew, I studied, but still the inner message was:
“You cannot trust yourself to succeed at what you’re called to do.”

Carl Jung taught that we all carry an inner masculine and feminine or animus. My inner masculine felt unreliable, weak, and incapable of “taking care of me,” because that was the only masculine model I’d ever known. And in my parents’ generation, men had so few emotional choices. Toxic masculinity was the norm. Sensitivity was punished. Creativity was seen as frivolous.

So my inner masculine inherited all of that — his fear, his doubt, his conditioning.
And for years he whispered:
“You can’t make a living doing your soul’s work.”

I watched women I admired succeed at their calling and wondered, How do they do it? What do they have that I don’t?

And then something changed.

In this powerful time of global awakening — this extraordinary moment in human evolution a shift began inside me. I finally felt ready to take the risk. To step into what I love. To trust that the feminine wisdom I carry has value, purpose, and a place in the world.

I had a session with a priestess sister who was able to assist me in healing some crucial past lives that as a result have allowed me to move forward in this area. I invested in myself. I said yes to my calling. I committed fully. And as I did, I could feel old inner patterns dissolving. I healed the layers that needed healing. And for the first time in my life, I felt free to follow my calling.

Free to create a career rooted in my soul’s purpose. Free to trust the masculine within me — the “father within” — to support, protect, and structure my sacred work.

To many, this may seem subtle or simple — but for others, I know this will resonate deeply. Healing the inner masculine, the father principle, is essential for stepping into our true purpose, self-trust, and visibility.

We are living in a time when both the masculine and feminine are being redefined — within us and around us. We are no longer bound to the old paradigms that shaped previous generations.

We now have the opportunity to:

•  Release inherited wounds
•  Reclaim our inner masculine as a supportive force
•  Reawaken our inner feminine as a sovereign, embodied presence
•  Redefine who we are and who we choose to become

This is the invitation of our time:

• To let go of the outdated roles and identities.
• To rewrite our inner stories.
• To heal and unify the masculine and feminine within.
• To step into our lives with clarity, power, and wholeness.

As this year draws to a close, remember: there is still time.
If you feel the call to heal, to rise, to finally tend to the wounds you’ve carried, whether it’s the mother  wound, the father wound, or another chapter of your inner story—this moment is for you.

We are standing in an extraordinary energetic threshold. Let it move you.Let it lift you. Let it inspire you to release the old version of yourself… the outdated beliefs, the inherited narratives, the heavy stories that were never truly yours.

You do not need to walk into the next year carrying what has weighed you down. You are allowed right now to recreate yourself, to step into a truer, freer, more powerful expression of who you are becoming.

If your spirit has been whispering, nudging, or shouting for transformation…Trust that.Honor that.
Let this be the moment you choose your healing, your liberation, and your rebirth.

You are worthy of ending this year lighter, clearer, and more whole than you began it.

 

Feel free to leave a comment or response.  I am also available for private sessions in helping you to work on these aspects of yourself or as a spiritual life coach.  Email me luminessa@newfemininerising.com