Relationships for the 21st Century – The Mind of Love

I have found being in a relationship to be a deeply spiritual process it will reveal to you all of those unpleasant aspects of yourself that you would never face without one, and can be used to purify those, to grow beyond them.  It is a spiritual journey.  This is where we get to learn about trust, respect, commitment, communication, and love.  And, it can be extremely challenging at times. 

In order to create an "enlightened relationship" you must be committed to your own process of waking up.  Choosing to be in a conscious relationship is just one pathway to achieving that.

 We are always in relationship with something or someone whether it is your beloved, your friends, your boss and co-workers, your pets or nature herself.  Our relatedness is a given just for being born as a human and what we choose to do with this gift or not is really the question.  There are many ways in which you can approach being in a conscious relationship with your beloved.  There are many paths that can teach you valuable principles that can help you on your journey.  I have discovered a few new ways that I feel are some of the most empowered and cutting edge in that they focus on how you can practice being an enlightened partner and thus create an enlightened relationship.

One of the courses I felt taught everything you really needed to know in order to create a truly 'enlightened relationship' was called The Mind of Love created in the early nineties by Michael and Christina Naumer. Unfortunately, this body of work is no longer available in that form so I decided to offer some of its major principles to you in this article. Of course, I cannot go into detail what you would have gotten in the workshop but I think you will be able to glean some valuable information that may assist you in your relationships.

The Core Principles of the Mind of Love

Taking Responsibility -It is the thoughts we hold that create the context for how you experience your relationship, remember that your thoughts precede your feelings. Thus it is essential that you take 100% responsibility for your creation whatever it is. Even though you and your partner are in a 'relationship 'together, you are not each 50% responsible for its creation but 100% responsible. If each person is 100% responsible then neither will need anything from the other to create it. You take full responsibility for yourself as does your partner. 

Creating a Context - What does it mean to create a context for your relationship? How would you like your relationship to be? Having a context will define it and will give it the ability to grow and change and always move in the direction that you truly want it to. 

Most of us enter into a relationship without ever creating a context for it. Then when something challenges it the structure wobbles and often falls apart rather than allowing it to shift and grow and include whatever it was that challenged it as good. 

An example of a context might be, "Our relationship works, it makes a difference and everything contributes to it." Then use it and call it in and declare to yourself over and over again no matter what shows up. This then is the larger purpose for your being in the relationship. Your commitment to your growth and the health of the relationship is greater than your commitment to having it your way, or being right or pushing against your partner in any way.

Contextual Distinctions are core issues or beliefs. Notice what you believe to be true about the opposite sex for instance, and then notice how your thoughts are filtered through those beliefs and projected out onto your partners.

Attachments - When you are attached to a particular form that your relationship has to be in then you limit yourself on the infinite possibilities that exist to you and you may also deprive yourself of a loving friendship. Attachment starts when we begin to think that you can only love your partner if you are in a romantic relationship, or if it looks a certain way. 

Rather than allowing yourself to understand that form constantly changes and you can not control your relationship to be in a certain form all of the time forever. When you become attached to your partner notice first where the feeling of 'I need' is arising from. Do you need to feel safe are you working through issues of abandonment?

Ask yourself, what do you think you are missing or that you can't give to yourself that you project out onto your partner expecting them to give it to you? Learn how to love your partner and let them go at the same time. This will free you up to even more love.

We are living in a world where we have more choices than ever before on how we wish to create loving relationships. This is a golden opportunity for each of us to design the kind of relationships we truly wish to have. This article is just an example of one way that may work for you.