Sunday, October 22, 2017

The Three Stages of Relationships



There are 3 stages of relating, according to David Deida an international teacher and author, dependence, 50/50 or intimate communion. In his book Intimate Communion, he defines these stages according to the polarity differences between men and women and what most attracts.

Dependent Relationships

In a Dependent Relationship what you may notice is that the couple often represents the extremes of what is considered masculine and feminine. He may look very macho and or his energy will be very masculine in a more stereotypic way. She may depict the extreme of what is considered feminine in a woman. Some images that come to mind are where the man throws the woman on the bed and takes her almost forcefully and she surrenders to his dominance. Partners may confuse some version of master/slave relationship with real love. She is the more passive of the two and often desires to feel vanquished. She might also desire to be seen as his property or his woman and her man. 

“A Dependence Relationship involves partners who become dependent on each other for money, emotional support, parenting or sex. “

The sex in this type of relationship may be very good due to the extreme attraction between the two polarities and especially after a fight. Partners often end up feeling rather limited by the roles they are choosing to act out with each other and the relationship continues either with one or the other or even both parties needing to shift out of these roles. If they do they will want to learn to build personal boundaries and take care of themselves, rather than always catering to the needs of their partners.

50/50 Relationships

“Safe boundaries and equal expectations for men and women.”

In this type of relationship, the partners want to feel safe and independent. You might recognize this type as our “modern” version of the relationship, which is most popular. It is thought to be very healthy as two independent people coming together and working out an equitable relationship. Both parties will want to feel that everything is equal.

On the surface, they might seem completely turned off and react as if any form of forceful and passionate sexual ravishment is an act of rape. Deep down, however, they might be wistfully turned on, reminded of the depth of sexual loving that may be missing from their safe but lukewarm love life.”


Both may have their own income and together they divide everything 50/50, from household chores, parenting, and financial obligations. However, as many have discovered, there is a potential problem with this ideal sounding relationship. They may even find that their relationship is more about being best friends, companions and that the polarity between them is not very strong. If the woman feels her feminine self less and the man his masculine self less then the natural charge between the two people will be less and less. Often what occurs after the passion and sexual aliveness diminishes is a feeling of incompleteness. The inner longing to be met and be touched deeply never occurs and so eventually one or both partners may become dissatisfied with the relationship and they may look outside the relationship for its fulfillment.

Intimate Communion

“I relax into oneness and spontaneously give my deepest gift.”

If you grow beyond the 50/50 Relationship you are no longer cautious or afraid to give your love fully to your intimate partner. At times you may beg or desire to be ravished other times to be tender and sweet. Your intimate connection is filled with fire and sexual aliveness and the polarity between the two of you dances back and forth, as in a true tantric relationship. You consider your relationship an expression of your deepest love and are not afraid to go beyond your limits or to push your partner to his or her limits of that love. You actually are living a deeply fulfilling and intimate communion and a true sacred relationship. 

“Most important, in the practice of Intimate Communion we learn that love is something you do, not something you “fall into” or “out of”. Love is something you practice, like playing tennis or the violin, not something you happen to feel or not.” 

David Deida states that “ in this type of relationship you learn to practice loving even when you feel hurt, rejected or resistant. First, you practice love, and then your native sexual essence blooms, naturally, inevitably, because you are learning to give from your core, which includes the root of your sexuality.”

I invite you to discover what form of relationship you are most attracted to and to learn more about Intimate Communion by reading David’s book or taking one of his workshops.







Sunday, September 17, 2017

Female Sexual Empowerment and the Art of Seduction


What makes a woman her most alluring? Is it her brains, beauty, wit, charm or sexual appeal? What are the elements that create female sexual empowerment?

Some might say that for a woman to be sexually empowered she must be experienced. Others might say she must know how to be charming and have great sexual charisma, but true female sexual empowerment includes all of this and more.

You may think that with the over usage of the word “sexy” these days, the prostitution of sex, and the rampant use of pornography as the new form of sex education, that female sexual empowerment is a given. But the message that is being blasted into the minds and hearts of teen girls and young adult women is not one of female sexual empowerment but rather one of enslavement.

The truth is that what makes a woman truly powerful is learning how to use her natural given gifts and talents. Those things that make her, you, the funniest, smartest or wittiest and to learn how to cultivate these talents and attributes whether they be beauty, wit, brains, sex appeal or all of the above. Betsey Prileau author of the book, Seductress, Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love, tells us that the archetype of the seductress has been given a bad rap. "She has been villainized as the terrible goddess {who} rules over desire and seduction, a bloodthirsty ball breaker like Salome and Circe, and the antithesis of virtuous femininity."

Throughout history, there have been women who have indeed taken their God/dess talents and ravished the world in which they lived. Without these sex goddesses, we would not have known what true female sexual empowerment looked like, felt like or acted like.

What made these women different from the rest of the women of their time? Many lived during eras where women had no choices of any kind, no education or way to earn a living other than what was dictated to her by the male politics of the time. Why were these women unafraid to step out of the mold and dare to be true to themselves? By understanding this we can learn how we can do the same today. Dressing sexy or having a lot of sexual experience doesn't give you true sexual empowerment although it may give you self-confidence.

It is what our current western culture would like us to believe but it falls short in describing and demonstrating what authentic feminine sexual empowerment is. I say sexual, because, women are sexual by design. They, we, can't help but be sexual or be seen in relation to sex because of our biology. All women have a womb, breasts and have for thousands of years during the reign of the Great Goddess, been seen as the Creatress of all life. In the ancient religions of the Goddess men and women have envisioned goddesses of sexuality and worshipped them. The everpresent symbol of that being the yoni or triangle.

Women today need a new roadmap to learn how to become a more. This new roadmap can be found through the study of seductresses both old and new as well as in specifically designed programs such as The New Feminine Mystique, a Pathway to Your Sexual Wholeness. (to find out more about this program contact me at thenewfemininemystique@gmail.com).

Women today have the advantage that many of these women did not have. Today we have permission to explore our sexuality, to dress with a flare that expresses our own sense of style, we are independent, self-supporting and have more sexual experience than our predecessors were ever allowed. Learning how to embody and integrate a few more of the essential arts of seduction is not such a far stretch if it will round out what we already know and assist us in stepping more fully into our authentic feminine sexual power.


The Art of Seduction

The Sirens of old knew that to be a woman who understood the art of seduction you had to first be true to your own self.  They were brave, courageous and weren't afraid to break the rules.

 Here are some of the things I have learned from them and from my own experience.
  • Love and appreciate who you are and your unique qualities. When you approve of yourself and feel comfortable with yourself others find that very appealing and it can act like catnip.
  • Nothing is more attractive than a lust for life. Your life force is a potent perfume so let your own shakti fire burn.
  • Honor your body and your sex. Be sexually autonomous and enjoy your own company as much as you enjoy others.
  • If you love sex, take the time to learn the sacred sensual arts, tweak your repertoire and try on new things. Nothing is sexier than a self-confident woman.
  • Don't be afraid to update, change or just create a new look for yourself on a regular basis. Adornment has always been part of the allure. Change is a good thing and once your look don't be afraid to show it off.
  • Creating a romantic, exciting, sacred or another type of environment is an art so do take the time to learn it if you don't know how already. 
  • Cultivate the art of being a great listener. Study compassionate communication. Men and people in general just want to be heard.
  • Learn the art of flirting. There are many ways to engage in a flirtatious encounter. Find out what ways you feel most comfortable with and practice them.
  • Learn how to appreciate the man or woman you are with. When in doubt appreciate, appreciate, appreciate.
  • Settle for nothing and demand that life gives you the best in relationships, love, and life. 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Understanding the Wounds of the Masculine and Opening Your Compassionate Heart



As a writer, I became interested in understanding the plight of men back in the nineties when Robert Bly, Sam Keen and other men who pioneered the Men’s Movement began to write and speak up.  I was curious and it fascinated me to read books like Fire in the Belly and Iron John.  It also helped me to begin to have a better feel for how men suffer in this culture.

I had already been studying the mythology of the goddess and women’s spirituality trying to piece together why everything has gone so wrong.  I began to do research and read many of the early women archaeologists and scholars like Maria Gimbutas, and Riane Eisler,  looking for answers as to what had happened to cause our culture to become so different from the way it had started out so many thousands of years ago. I remember after doing the research how upset I felt about these hordes of invaders who rode over the Russian Steppes and conquered whole civilizations that had been peaceful and prosperous for a millennium and which in essence turned the world upside down and on its head.

Then many years later, when I began to study more about men, to listen to what they had to say I began to feel more compassionate. I discovered that when the world was turned on its head it not only affected the status of women but it created a culture that was based on the dominator model and that model caused men to also feel trapped and powerless to change the current status quo.

I realized that if I wanted to have beautiful relationships with men, bring healing to men, and guide men to be better men, I needed to understand their suffering and their world view.  It is not about men or women suffering more or being the bigger victim. It is understanding, that the Dominator Model of Culture causes both genders to suffer. The Dominator Model Culture I speak of is where a small group of men or women dictate to the larger group of men and women how it will be. It is living by hierarchy where the powerful rule over the less powerful regardless of gender and where everybody suffers.

It wasn’t until just a few years ago when I became a teacher training other professionals on the trauma of men, that I really began to understand what it was like to be a man living in our society today. Tony Porter’s Ted Talk, A Call to Men was one of the first things that I listened to. His definition of the Man Box said it all and explained in detail why men have found it so difficult to break out of that man box and become a complete and full person.  

The second thing that affected my perception of what it meant to be a man was a documentary called, The Mask You Live In, produced by The Representation Project. (You can also see this film on Netflix). This film will strip away any illusions that you may have about the world of men and boys. It ripped my heart open as I watched boys acculturated into the “Man Box” and their sadness and not being allowed to live more authentically.


So what are some of the wounds of the masculine that I am alluding to?


The following is from an article, The Wounds of the Masculine by Francesca Gentille
  1. Men feel powerless when it comes to sex. They see women as having all the power. The power to say no, the power to deny sex, the power to make them work for or pay for sex.
  2.  They are taught that they must have sex to be considered a Real Man, but not taught how to inspire a woman in a healthy collaborative manner.
  3. They see us as so beautiful and delicious. They do not know that we do not see ourselves that way.
  4. They know that women will not pay them for sex. They feel sad, hurt, confused and rejected about this. It feels unfair.
  5.  Men feel violated when it comes to their emotions and their finances. They can feel forced or expected to dig deep and give from either of these or fear our wrath and displeasure.
  6.  Men protect their emotions like we protect our sexuality. They are slower to go into the emotional realm.
  7.  Women pressure, shame and push men to go faster emotionally. We also shame them when they are “too” emotional.
  8.  We also expect them to pay for us, woo us, win us over and over. This can feel exhausting and confusing. They feel unseen and unappreciated for who they are, objectified as a protector/provider.
Note: The male brain has emotional synapses in only one part (versus the female brain which has emotional synapses across the entire brain). When we ask him to express his emotions, he must stop whatever else he is doing and thinking. It will take him a while to get there, and he will stay there longer. His brain lacks emotional fluidity.



TO HEAL WE HEAL TOGETHER

Compassion is the way through, compassion with compassionate boundaries. We must express or limits and boundaries with grace. We need to speak on behalf of our desires with joy, vision, and without attachment or blame.


 When a man is acting immature there are past wounds there. See the best in him. Let him know what he wins/gets when he acts from maturity. Remove yourself without rancor when he is not able to be mature or in his adult self and let him know you will be happy to speak with him when he is.

Men have their own stages of life that they go through, (Understanding Men by Allison Armstrong). Don’t blame him for not fulfilling your idea of the ideal man or for acting just like a man. Learn how to communicate more effectively, love and accept him for who he is and celebrate him for being a man.  

Our role is to collaborate with men and help bring them into their greatness.


It is time to work together in partnership, to support each other in becoming whole and integrated adults where men and women are living in harmony, peace, and equanimity with each other. It is no longer feasible for us to live by the Dominator Model so we must step into a new model called the Partnership Model. I believe that this is still possible in fact, I believe that it is inevitable and I invite you to open your woman's compassionate heart and begin to support the man and men in your life to be all that they can be.



Sunday, July 23, 2017

Has the Beauty Myth Gone to Far?

For hundreds if not thousands of year’s men have been dictating the standards of beauty to women. No matter what time in history beautiful women have been admired, sculpted, painted and sought after. Being beautiful was something that every woman wanted to be for being beautiful gave women power over men. Look at Helen of Troy who started the Trojan War she was considered the most beautiful woman of her time, and her face was said to have launched a thousand ships.

Being beautiful gave a woman an edge in the world of men.


Today, just like sex, beauty has become a commodity. Naomi Wolf in her book The Beauty Myth, shares how women for decades has been sold a bill of goods by the marketing moguls of Madison Ave., and that women have believed them. The standards of beauty continue to be dictated by men for the most part. The fashion industry, Hollywood, MTV, are brainwashing not only women but girls as well and we continue to believe that we are not the right kind of beautiful or not beautiful enough.

In each era, you will find the standards of what defines beauty in a woman changes. In one era, it might be ivory skin, tiny waist, rosy cheeks, and in another being voluptuous and full figured or as in our own day, being blonde, skinny and busty resembling our favorite icon Barbie. I find it interesting that women have had very little say as to what they feel defines being a beautiful woman is and we allow ourselves to be told over and over again how we should look, act, dress, smell and be.

Don’t you think it is the time that we women take our power back from men, women and anyone who has told us what it means to be a beautiful woman? Don’t you think it is time to for women to define what being beautiful means to for ourselves?

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you must train yourself and your daughter to see beauty in your/herself and to begin to question what the media or the collective consensus is telling you and her.

We have the opportunity to move forward at this time and to change the status quo. For never has there been a more urgent need to do so. It makes me heartsick to see another generation of girls grow up thinking that being beautiful is the only value that they have and that being beautiful has to look a certain way.

THE EFFECTS OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media and dating apps are putting unprecedented pressures on America's teen girls, author Nancy Jo Sales says. Her new book, American Girls, opens with a story about one 13-year-old who received an Instagram request for "noodz" [nude photos] from a boy she did not know very well.

What is the Social Media culture and what does it consist of?

1. Girls are on it 24/7 it is all they want to do.

2. 2015 reported 88% of all American teens were on social media sites ages 13-17.

3. 73% had smart phones and 92% were going on from a mobile device (Pew Research)

4. 24% were online almost constantly.

More than a million Instagram photos have now been hash tagged #selfie and, according to a recent study, “91 per cent” of teen social media users have posted a photo of themselves online. This obsession with “selfies” does have deeper issues as I mention below, but I believe that our culture’s objectification of girls and women lie at the root of it.” - American Girl, Nancy Sales

I dare you to take the time to discover where you too may have been or still are in some way supporting a system that is detrimental to the health and well being of women and girls everywhere.

I invite you to take the lead in being a woman who dares to define for herself what being a powerful, strong and beautiful woman is. To become a living example for the new generations

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Be the Heroine of Your Own Life


Have you ever thought of yourself as the heroine of your life?

Just like Wonder Woman, we too have challenges and obstacles to overcome in our quest to be whole and know our True Nature. Perhaps you have never thought of yourself as a heroine at all? Perhaps you may have thought that in order to qualify you must do something daring, but the truth is that we all have opportunities to be the heroine of our own life. No matter how big or small the task might be we are all faced with many difficulties in our life to overcome.

Maybe you remember a fairytale where the heroine must go through several tests put forth by an evil queen or king and must conquer her fears and have the courage to face the obstacles before her. Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you have had to scale the walls of your mind chatter, slay the dragon of self-doubt or wrestle the Cyclops of self-hate and unworthiness. Since your life’s journey is really created by your soul’s agenda, you may have had to take a good look at yourself and confront your shadow and deal with your own personal demons.

If you consider yourself to be a spiritual warrior, you have had to make our commitment to your soul’s evolution primary in our lives and be willing to discover who you really are no matter what the cost. Often our ego or personal self has had the opposite agenda which has opposed our soul’s call, thus making our journey even more challenging.

At times my own personal journey has been long and wrought with all kinds of difficulties. And, not all have been of my own making. Some have been influenced by the collective mind field that I am a part of, that we are all a part of, the Matrix of dualistic thinking and the illusion that I am powerless. And, at times my journey has seemed endless. Under the influence of the Matrix stepping out and flying freely is not an easy feat, for we must find the courage to unplug ourselves.

Each step of the way has at times felt as if I was pulling myself out of the quicksand and the muck and mire of my thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and the stories I have clung to. My identity has been so entrenched in the story of “me” and the roles I have played.

How then do you become the heroine of this journey you have created? How do you get to the end of your own rainbow and actually find the treasure or get the prize you have been seeking?

For me, it has taken a one-pointed dedication to realize my TRUE Nature and to be willing to meet all of the tests and lessons that my soul has created for me so that I can finally claim the pot of gold I have been seeking. That means knowing myself to be a living, breathing aspect of God/Goddess incarnates in a woman’s body. It is becoming firmly rooted in my I Am Presence (authentic self) and stepping out of the Matrix into a new way of thinking and being, free from the restraints of the limitation of 3D reality, and learning how to navigate through the obstructions that still may show up but in an entirely new way. To be free and a Master of my own REALITY!

What is your story and how will it end? Do you know? Will you be triumphant or will you be vanquished? The heroine’s journey is fraught with uncertainty and takes remarkable courage at times, and sometimes to even be the fool for God. But the prize is worth all of the challenges that you have met and annihilated, for it is the prize of becoming whole within yourself and to recognize the Truth of who you are and to live boldly as that.




Monday, May 29, 2017

Take the Apology Out of Being a Woman


Now you may be asking yourself what does this mean, I never see women apologizing for being a woman. But if you take a moment to think about that statement and what it is really saying, you might find yourself answering this question differently.

Women have been apologizing for thousands of years for having a vagina, or vulva, for being sexual, for being powerful, clever, smart, creative, for being a woman with a body that is sexual by nature. It is this apology that is actually part of our collective consciousness and in every woman and man whether they are aware of it or not.


Today in our society it may look like women have made huge strides in the world of men. This is true in so far as a few legal wins, being able to vote, and sexual freedoms. But, the culture in which we all live in, the collective field, still holds the belief that it was a woman that caused the downfall of the human race. Eve has never been forgiven for the sin of being a woman who took a bite out of the apple off of the Tree of Knowledge. The message is loud and clear in advertising, movies, music and in many of the sacred religious texts all over the world. Women must pay and pay dearly for that one mistake.

The sexualization of women and is at an all time high is big business. The kidnapping of thousands of young girls into sexual slavery as well as the sex industry whose predominant workers are women has become a multi-billion dollar industry. Kathleen Barry calls this the 'prostitution of sexuality'. The fact that women themselves exploit their own bodies for money and are not aware that by doing so they are supporting the very system that they say they are free from is in itself proof of the depth of this belief and there seems to be no end in sight. 

IN THE BEGINNING



The story of Adam and Eve was one that the Christian Patriarchs created from an original Sumerian myth about the Goddess. It was fundamentally changed so that the concept of the Great Mother, the Goddess, was seen as less than God or man. Woman was created to be less than man, from his rib, subservient to him.

All myths reflect the times in which they were created and it was at this juncture in time that man had most recently discovered his role in procreation. Patriarchy and the role of men became more elevated and the shift from a Mother Goddess and Creatrix of life to Father God and the Creator became predominant. The discovery that a woman needed a man's sperm to fertilize her eggs gave the early Christian patriarchs just the tool they need to turn the Goddess on her head. The most prevalent belief of the day soon was that it was a man who created life and woman who incubated it thus reducing woman's role from Creatrix to host.

This belief over time was reflected in every myth, text, and religious scripture throughout most of the world. Women were in essence demoted from their role as "Earth Mother, the Great Goddess" to a subservient role to man. The goddess was now a woman who, because of her sexuality and her power over men not to be trusted. The body, in general, became evil and dirty, but women's bodies were specifically evil and so was woman’s sexual power. Eve was created to supplant the first woman Lilith, who represented woman in her wholeness and power. When Eve was tempted by Lilith (the Tree of Life, and the serpent) and ate the apple she then awakened to all knowledge of both good and evil. Now whether this was inevitable or not as a part of the evolution of the species is not the point. The point is that as the myth of Adam and Eve the Garden and the Fall were recreated to reflect the teachings of the Christian Patriarchs women were forever condemned to apologize for being a woman.

RECLAIMING YOUR INNOCENCE

Today we have a choice whether to continue to believe in this myth. By reclaiming your innocence as a sex, we can each begin to stop apologizing for having a female body and for being sexy and sexual. We can stop hiding our bodies behind layers of fat. We can stop internalizing the messages that music and the media are telling us. We can stop rejecting our bodies the way they are and see our bodies only as something to please men, to fulfill their fantasies of what is sexy. 

We can instead begin to value whom we are rather than just for how we look, to begin to appreciate our totality as a human being. We can learn to see ourselves more holistically and to love our bodies whatever shape they are in. We can take pride in being born a woman with a natural sexual allure and a healthy sexual appetite.

Reclaiming our innocence must start with each individual. Each woman must decide for herself that she is innocent, that her body is the temple of the Goddess and that her sex is divine. That her nature, your nature is not to serve man but to partner with him to co-create a world where women are seen once again as the emissaries of the divine feminine and men of the divine masculine.

We can choose to do this in a ritual that we do for ourselves or in a group of women. You can do this by knowing that you have always been innocent and in Truth, there is nothing to apologize for or even reclaim. We were born innocent and pure of heart. Our bodies have always been celebrated and honored and anything other than that was something we allowed ourselves to believe.

So, I invite you as a representative of womankind and of humankind to step forward and reclaim your sexual innocence, your body's innocence and all of womankind's innocence.




Sunday, May 14, 2017

Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On



Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On, created by Netflix is the second series that they have done regarding the porn industry.


This new series explores various aspects of the porn industry and the women that work in it. The episode I am writing about here is regarding the young girls who are recruited. Similar to my last article, Hot Girls Wanted the difference here is that with this particular modeling agency, the girls they recruit are actually protected and taken care of. This in itself is a huge difference from the agency I wrote about in my blog last year. 

 In this most recent segment the recruiter, Bailey, is a young woman who is not only successful in the sex industry with several streams of income but is also an excellent business woman and mentor to the girls she recruits. She wants these girls to be excited about working in porn and also be well informed about the ins and outs of being in the industry.  She levels with them as to what is wanted and what their options are, and that they are always at choice. She tells them to never do anything you are uncomfortable with.

This modeling agency impressed me it is owned by John Steven who says, that he establishes himself as a father figure for the girls in his agency.  When the new recruits arrive at LAX,  Bailey picks them up and takes them to their new home, an apartment with several shared bedrooms. John introduces himself to them and he seems to genuinely care about the girls that he representing. This is of course very different from the agency I first wrote about where when the girls arrive their recruiter is a young man who gives the impression that these new girls are just a commodity to be peddled.

The girls Bailey recruits come from a variety of places. Some are already doing their own cam site sex shows from their homes. Others come from the Midwest and seem to be escaping from the life they lived there. A few have been strippers and exotic dancers that are burnt out and disenchanted with men. Some are college educated as is Bailey, who felt that what she could earn as a teacher was far less than what she could earn in the sex industry. One young woman, Eva, went into the biz to help support her family and to become financially stable. She was introduced to porn at a very young age by her step-father who watched it. She says she was six when she saw her first pop-up and from that point on she became obsessed and grew up feeling she wanted to do what she saw. Although Eva started out with high hopes of being a star we find out later that she has gotten into drugs and alcohol and is now doing boy/girl movies something she said she would never do.  Baily tries to turn her around more than once but it is no use. Eva seems deep into self-destruct patterns that can sometimes happen to girls who really are not ready for this type of work.

A few felt that even though they are still being objectified sexually, they were empowered because they were in charge.  They felt that taking off their clothes was both empowering and liberating.  But there are still drawbacks to being in the industry…not being able to talk to anyone outside of the industry and feeling like an outcast,  going out with men that just want to use you and sometimes become your pimp,  doing things you don't want to do but feel you have to to survive, getting involved with drugs, and just going down the darker path.  Although this agency is far more caring for the girls it recruits, they still admit that they have little power to change a girls mind once they choose to do drugs and alcohol. 

Being in the porn industry is hard work no matter what you choose to do. Bailey talks about her own businesses. She has multiple streams of income, recruiting new girls, having her own cam site and selling her own videos and panties.  She manages all of these plus the girls she has recruited. She admits that she comes from a mid-west town that was very sexually repressed and that she never had an orgasm until she was a junior in college. Now she is a very successful business woman making over $80,000 a year and for the most part, loves her life. She has paid off her college loans and feels that she is a feminist because she will never do anything degrading and that is why she only does solo. She feels empowered and proud to be a woman that can take care of herself so well. I liked her and felt she was sincere.

Selena has her own cam site and is very successful.  Although she says she loves what she does she also admits to having to drink to stay in-front of the camera 14 hours a day. The payoff is that when she is finished for the day she feels she has accomplished something toward her financial goals and this empowers her. When Bailey meets her she feels that Selena will do well in this business. She is older, 25 has solid business sense and seems to know exactly what she wants. Controlling your own content is the most important thing in this industry, she says.  The clips she makes she keeps and can sell on her own site as well as begin to get film opportunities.

As I watched and listened to each girl share some of their stories as to why they made the decision to enter into the porn business, I couldn't help but wonder if some of the reasons these young women find the sex industry so fascinating are due to the early sexualization of girls. As Eva said, she was only 6 when she first saw porn and it planted a seed in her mind. For an impressional little girl, it can be captivating,  titillating and as she said she became obsessed with watching it over and over. From the outside, the porn industry can look exciting, fun, and provocative. It can seem to be an easy way to make money especially if you feel your only value is based on how you look or how sexy you are.  Unfortunately, this is a fact that most girls grow up with. 

 As in the first documentary, very few of the girls that enter into the porn industry so young rarely make it big. Most are not very business savvy and are in need of a guide such as Bailey who seems to really go out of her way to take care and guide the women she brings in. But most agencies are not like that. This one is the exception to the rule and as such the false glamor that the sex industry portrays is little more than a dream most girls will never see.