Sunday, July 23, 2017

Has the Beauty Myth Gone to Far?

For hundreds if not thousands of year’s men have been dictating the standards of beauty to women. No matter what time in history beautiful women have been admired, sculpted, painted and sought after. Being beautiful was something that every woman wanted to be for being beautiful gave women power over men. Look at Helen of Troy who started the Trojan War she was considered the most beautiful woman of her time, and her face was said to have launched a thousand ships.

Being beautiful gave a woman an edge in the world of men.

Today, just like sex, beauty has become a commodity. Naomi Wolf in her book The Beauty Myth, shares how women for decades has been sold a bill of goods by the marketing moguls of Madison Ave., and that women have believed them. The standards of beauty continue to be dictated by men for the most part. The fashion industry, Hollywood, MTV, are brainwashing not only women but girls as well and we continue to believe that we are not the right kind of beautiful or not beautiful enough.

In each era, you will find the standards of what defines beauty in a woman changes. In one era, it might be ivory skin, tiny waist, rosy cheeks, and in another being voluptuous and full figured or as in our own day, being blonde, skinny and busty resembling our favorite icon Barbie. I find it interesting that women have had very little say as to what they feel defines being a beautiful woman is and we allow ourselves to be told over and over again how we should look, act, dress, smell and be.

Don’t you think it is the time that we women take our power back from men, women and anyone who has told us what it means to be a beautiful woman? Don’t you think it is time to for women to define what being beautiful means to for ourselves?

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you must train yourself and your daughter to see beauty in your/herself and to begin to question what the media or the collective consensus is telling you and her.

We have the opportunity to move forward at this time and to change the status quo. For never has there been a more urgent need to do so. It makes me heartsick to see another generation of girls grow up thinking that being beautiful is the only value that they have and that being beautiful has to look a certain way.


Social media and dating apps are putting unprecedented pressures on America's teen girls, author Nancy Jo Sales says. Her new book, American Girls, opens with a story about one 13-year-old who received an Instagram request for "noodz" [nude photos] from a boy she did not know very well.

What is the Social Media culture and what does it consist of?

1. Girls are on it 24/7 it is all they want to do.

2. 2015 reported 88% of all American teens were on social media sites ages 13-17.

3. 73% had smart phones and 92% were going on from a mobile device (Pew Research)

4. 24% were online almost constantly.

More than a million Instagram photos have now been hash tagged #selfie and, according to a recent study, “91 per cent” of teen social media users have posted a photo of themselves online. This obsession with “selfies” does have deeper issues as I mention below, but I believe that our culture’s objectification of girls and women lie at the root of it.” - American Girl, Nancy Sales

I dare you to take the time to discover where you too may have been or still are in some way supporting a system that is detrimental to the health and well being of women and girls everywhere.

I invite you to take the lead in being a woman who dares to define for herself what being a powerful, strong and beautiful woman is. To become a living example for the new generations

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Be the Heroine of Your Own Life

Have you ever thought of yourself as the heroine of your life?

Just like Wonder Woman, we too have challenges and obstacles to overcome in our quest to be whole and know our True Nature. Perhaps you have never thought of yourself as a heroine at all? Perhaps you may have thought that in order to qualify you must do something daring, but the truth is that we all have opportunities to be the heroine of our own life. No matter how big or small the task might be we are all faced with many difficulties in our life to overcome.

Maybe you remember a fairytale where the heroine must go through several tests put forth by an evil queen or king and must conquer her fears and have the courage to face the obstacles before her. Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you have had to scale the walls of your mind chatter, slay the dragon of self-doubt or wrestle the Cyclops of self-hate and unworthiness. Since your life’s journey is really created by your soul’s agenda, you may have had to take a good look at yourself and confront your shadow and deal with your own personal demons.

If you consider yourself to be a spiritual warrior, you have had to make our commitment to your soul’s evolution primary in our lives and be willing to discover who you really are no matter what the cost. Often our ego or personal self has had the opposite agenda which has opposed our soul’s call, thus making our journey even more challenging.

At times my own personal journey has been long and wrought with all kinds of difficulties. And, not all have been of my own making. Some have been influenced by the collective mind field that I am a part of, that we are all a part of, the Matrix of dualistic thinking and the illusion that I am powerless. And, at times my journey has seemed endless. Under the influence of the Matrix stepping out and flying freely is not an easy feat, for we must find the courage to unplug ourselves.

Each step of the way has at times felt as if I was pulling myself out of the quicksand and the muck and mire of my thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and the stories I have clung to. My identity has been so entrenched in the story of “me” and the roles I have played.

How then do you become the heroine of this journey you have created? How do you get to the end of your own rainbow and actually find the treasure or get the prize you have been seeking?

For me, it has taken a one-pointed dedication to realize my TRUE Nature and to be willing to meet all of the tests and lessons that my soul has created for me so that I can finally claim the pot of gold I have been seeking. That means knowing myself to be a living, breathing aspect of God/Goddess incarnates in a woman’s body. It is becoming firmly rooted in my I Am Presence (authentic self) and stepping out of the Matrix into a new way of thinking and being, free from the restraints of the limitation of 3D reality, and learning how to navigate through the obstructions that still may show up but in an entirely new way. To be free and a Master of my own REALITY!

What is your story and how will it end? Do you know? Will you be triumphant or will you be vanquished? The heroine’s journey is fraught with uncertainty and takes remarkable courage at times, and sometimes to even be the fool for God. But the prize is worth all of the challenges that you have met and annihilated, for it is the prize of becoming whole within yourself and to recognize the Truth of who you are and to live boldly as that.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Take the Apology Out of Being a Woman

Now you may be asking yourself what does this mean, I never see women apologizing for being a woman. But if you take a moment to think about that statement and what it is really saying, you might find yourself answering this question differently.

Women have been apologizing for thousands of years for having a vagina, or vulva, for being sexual, for being powerful, clever, smart, creative, for being a woman with a body that is sexual by nature. It is this apology that is actually part of our collective consciousness and in every woman and man whether they are aware of it or not.

Today in our society it may look like women have made huge strides in the world of men. This is true in so far as a few legal wins, being able to vote, and sexual freedoms. But, the culture in which we all live in, the collective field, still holds the belief that it was a woman that caused the downfall of the human race. Eve has never been forgiven for the sin of being a woman who took a bite out of the apple off of the Tree of Knowledge. The message is loud and clear in advertising, movies, music and in many of the sacred religious texts all over the world. Women must pay and pay dearly for that one mistake.

The sexualization of women and is at an all time high is big business. The kidnapping of thousands of young girls into sexual slavery as well as the sex industry whose predominant workers are women has become a multi-billion dollar industry. Kathleen Barry calls this the 'prostitution of sexuality'. The fact that women themselves exploit their own bodies for money and are not aware that by doing so they are supporting the very system that they say they are free from is in itself proof of the depth of this belief and there seems to be no end in sight. 


The story of Adam and Eve was one that the Christian Patriarchs created from an original Sumerian myth about the Goddess. It was fundamentally changed so that the concept of the Great Mother, the Goddess, was seen as less than God or man. Woman was created to be less than man, from his rib, subservient to him.

All myths reflect the times in which they were created and it was at this juncture in time that man had most recently discovered his role in procreation. Patriarchy and the role of men became more elevated and the shift from a Mother Goddess and Creatrix of life to Father God and the Creator became predominant. The discovery that a woman needed a man's sperm to fertilize her eggs gave the early Christian patriarchs just the tool they need to turn the Goddess on her head. The most prevalent belief of the day soon was that it was a man who created life and woman who incubated it thus reducing woman's role from Creatrix to host.

This belief over time was reflected in every myth, text, and religious scripture throughout most of the world. Women were in essence demoted from their role as "Earth Mother, the Great Goddess" to a subservient role to man. The goddess was now a woman who, because of her sexuality and her power over men not to be trusted. The body, in general, became evil and dirty, but women's bodies were specifically evil and so was woman’s sexual power. Eve was created to supplant the first woman Lilith, who represented woman in her wholeness and power. When Eve was tempted by Lilith (the Tree of Life, and the serpent) and ate the apple she then awakened to all knowledge of both good and evil. Now whether this was inevitable or not as a part of the evolution of the species is not the point. The point is that as the myth of Adam and Eve the Garden and the Fall were recreated to reflect the teachings of the Christian Patriarchs women were forever condemned to apologize for being a woman.


Today we have a choice whether to continue to believe in this myth. By reclaiming your innocence as a sex, we can each begin to stop apologizing for having a female body and for being sexy and sexual. We can stop hiding our bodies behind layers of fat. We can stop internalizing the messages that music and the media are telling us. We can stop rejecting our bodies the way they are and see our bodies only as something to please men, to fulfill their fantasies of what is sexy. 

We can instead begin to value whom we are rather than just for how we look, to begin to appreciate our totality as a human being. We can learn to see ourselves more holistically and to love our bodies whatever shape they are in. We can take pride in being born a woman with a natural sexual allure and a healthy sexual appetite.

Reclaiming our innocence must start with each individual. Each woman must decide for herself that she is innocent, that her body is the temple of the Goddess and that her sex is divine. That her nature, your nature is not to serve man but to partner with him to co-create a world where women are seen once again as the emissaries of the divine feminine and men of the divine masculine.

We can choose to do this in a ritual that we do for ourselves or in a group of women. You can do this by knowing that you have always been innocent and in Truth, there is nothing to apologize for or even reclaim. We were born innocent and pure of heart. Our bodies have always been celebrated and honored and anything other than that was something we allowed ourselves to believe.

So, I invite you as a representative of womankind and of humankind to step forward and reclaim your sexual innocence, your body's innocence and all of womankind's innocence.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On

Hot Girls Wanted: Turned On, created by Netflix is the second series that they have done regarding the porn industry.

This new series explores various aspects of the porn industry and the women that work in it. The episode I am writing about here is regarding the young girls who are recruited. Similar to my last article, Hot Girls Wanted the difference here is that with this particular modeling agency, the girls they recruit are actually protected and taken care of. This in itself is a huge difference from the agency I wrote about in my blog last year. 

 In this most recent segment the recruiter, Bailey, is a young woman who is not only successful in the sex industry with several streams of income but is also an excellent business woman and mentor to the girls she recruits. She wants these girls to be excited about working in porn and also be well informed about the ins and outs of being in the industry.  She levels with them as to what is wanted and what their options are, and that they are always at choice. She tells them to never do anything you are uncomfortable with.

This modeling agency impressed me it is owned by John Steven who says, that he establishes himself as a father figure for the girls in his agency.  When the new recruits arrive at LAX,  Bailey picks them up and takes them to their new home, an apartment with several shared bedrooms. John introduces himself to them and he seems to genuinely care about the girls that he representing. This is of course very different from the agency I first wrote about where when the girls arrive their recruiter is a young man who gives the impression that these new girls are just a commodity to be peddled.

The girls Bailey recruits come from a variety of places. Some are already doing their own cam site sex shows from their homes. Others come from the Midwest and seem to be escaping from the life they lived there. A few have been strippers and exotic dancers that are burnt out and disenchanted with men. Some are college educated as is Bailey, who felt that what she could earn as a teacher was far less than what she could earn in the sex industry. One young woman, Eva, went into the biz to help support her family and to become financially stable. She was introduced to porn at a very young age by her step-father who watched it. She says she was six when she saw her first pop-up and from that point on she became obsessed and grew up feeling she wanted to do what she saw. Although Eva started out with high hopes of being a star we find out later that she has gotten into drugs and alcohol and is now doing boy/girl movies something she said she would never do.  Baily tries to turn her around more than once but it is no use. Eva seems deep into self-destruct patterns that can sometimes happen to girls who really are not ready for this type of work.

A few felt that even though they are still being objectified sexually, they were empowered because they were in charge.  They felt that taking off their clothes was both empowering and liberating.  But there are still drawbacks to being in the industry…not being able to talk to anyone outside of the industry and feeling like an outcast,  going out with men that just want to use you and sometimes become your pimp,  doing things you don't want to do but feel you have to to survive, getting involved with drugs, and just going down the darker path.  Although this agency is far more caring for the girls it recruits, they still admit that they have little power to change a girls mind once they choose to do drugs and alcohol. 

Being in the porn industry is hard work no matter what you choose to do. Bailey talks about her own businesses. She has multiple streams of income, recruiting new girls, having her own cam site and selling her own videos and panties.  She manages all of these plus the girls she has recruited. She admits that she comes from a mid-west town that was very sexually repressed and that she never had an orgasm until she was a junior in college. Now she is a very successful business woman making over $80,000 a year and for the most part, loves her life. She has paid off her college loans and feels that she is a feminist because she will never do anything degrading and that is why she only does solo. She feels empowered and proud to be a woman that can take care of herself so well. I liked her and felt she was sincere.

Selena has her own cam site and is very successful.  Although she says she loves what she does she also admits to having to drink to stay in-front of the camera 14 hours a day. The payoff is that when she is finished for the day she feels she has accomplished something toward her financial goals and this empowers her. When Bailey meets her she feels that Selena will do well in this business. She is older, 25 has solid business sense and seems to know exactly what she wants. Controlling your own content is the most important thing in this industry, she says.  The clips she makes she keeps and can sell on her own site as well as begin to get film opportunities.

As I watched and listened to each girl share some of their stories as to why they made the decision to enter into the porn business, I couldn't help but wonder if some of the reasons these young women find the sex industry so fascinating are due to the early sexualization of girls. As Eva said, she was only 6 when she first saw porn and it planted a seed in her mind. For an impressional little girl, it can be captivating,  titillating and as she said she became obsessed with watching it over and over. From the outside, the porn industry can look exciting, fun, and provocative. It can seem to be an easy way to make money especially if you feel your only value is based on how you look or how sexy you are.  Unfortunately, this is a fact that most girls grow up with. 

 As in the first documentary, very few of the girls that enter into the porn industry so young rarely make it big. Most are not very business savvy and are in need of a guide such as Bailey who seems to really go out of her way to take care and guide the women she brings in. But most agencies are not like that. This one is the exception to the rule and as such the false glamor that the sex industry portrays is little more than a dream most girls will never see.

Saturday, April 8, 2017

What is Feminine Power?

What is feminine power? In the past few years, these two words have been used more than ever before. Every time I look at my emails I see one or more with these two words as the subject. Since 2011 when Venus crossed in front of the Sun, (a symbol of the feminine leading the masculine), women everywhere have begun to reconnect with their feminine power. Yet what do these words really mean?

In the first wave of the women's movement, during the 60's and 70's, fFeminine power was defined as " woman power". Women were just beginning to rise up and say look at us, look at what we can do better or as good as you, and don't ever underestimate us again. Women were celebrating their sexuality, sexual freedom, and discovering their bodies and the Big O. We were taking our power back from patriarchal rules, speaking up and saying that being a powerful woman, feminine power, meant being strong, independent, self-sufficient, sovereign and sexually free.

Then the 80's rolled in and so did the "me" generation. Women were now actively pursuing careers or being a working mom, and trying to have it all. The definition of feminine power was redefined once again to being a sort of a superwoman who could juggle her career, family and also be a femme fatal in the bedroom. The music reflected this in songs like "I am Woman Hear me Roar," whether single or married women thought that being powerful meant doing it all and playing like a man with the boys in the boardroom.

Then in the mid-eighties, the Goddess movement was born often called the 2nd wave of the women's movement. This was a very exciting time to live in and for me, it was as if I had been starving for 35 years and suddenly I began stuffing myself on a daily basis with everything and anything I could read about the Goddess. Feminine power was once again being redefined by women like Merlin Stone, When God Was a Woman and Starhawk in The Spiral Dance and Truth or Dare. Feminine power was now seen as "power from within", and it was something that both women and men could cultivate their power from within themselves, rather than having power over others.

When the 90's hit suddenly women in media were being portrayed as stand-alone women who had magical powers. Women who could take care of themselves and did not need a man to fulfill them. These new images redefined what being a powerful woman meant to a new generation of girls who now saw women portrayed in a variety of ways. Feminine Power now included magical abilities and new street smarts and savvy.

 "From the angry mouths of all-girl underground hardcore punk band/zine makers, Bikini Kill in the early 1990s came the riot grrrl movement, which spawned numerous bands and a thriving DIY subculture including zine production and political activism. Feminine power was on the rise but now it was grounded in a rising consciousness stemming from attacks on legal abortion to Anita Hill’s revelatory accusations of sexual harassment, this movement had a message: songs from this era were socially conscious and dealt with rape, violence against women, patriarchy, sexuality, racism, and female empowerment." (Daria Morgandoffer, Huffington Post)

The New Millennium

Then it was the 21st Century and we were in a new millennium, and a new era was ushered in bringing with it a new generation of girls and women. The definition of feminine power once again changed, but not for the benefit of women. What we saw and still see is almost a backlash of the last few decades mentioned in this article. The media which includes film, advertising and music are giving mixed messages about feminine power. The images most commonly seen portray women wearing very little, being tough and strong, sometimes mean and violent, sexy at all times ready to serve her man's needs, using her sexuality to get what she wants, and being thin and pretty. Girls and women are more confused than ever before about what feminine power truly means. But all is not lost for there are organizations and groups of women and girls who are fighting back and taking a stand to change the current definition.

Feminine power is once again being redefined but I think this time it will be more inclusive allowing us to broaden it's meaning to not only include all three of the definition's above, but it can also be defined as a woman who is strong, vulnerable, alluring, courageous, smart, confident, sovereign, loving, compassionate, comfortable in her own body, tough when needed, generous, kind and balanced with her own masculine and feminine qualities.

This definition allows women to truly have it all...all within themselves first, and the rest well that will come too as an outgrowth of their inner strength and beauty.

If you have thoughts on what feminine power means for you I would love to hear your comments.

To find out more on how you can reconnect with your feminine power please go to

Saturday, March 18, 2017

On the Path of Awakening

I have been on a spiritual path since I was twenty-two.always thought that enlightenment was something that would just happen one day and all of a sudden my life would change. Sort of like a magic wand that you could wave and change whatever you did not like about your life and miraculously I would be happy all the time. It used to be thought that when a person ‘woke up’ he/she would have a sudden awakening of some sort...a kundalini awakening or the mind would suddenly just stop and silence would be all that was felt. This is not the case for those of us who have been the spiritual seekers of my generation, the late Baby Boomers. 

Today Self Realization is for the masses. It involves a consistent day-to-day, moment-to-moment remembrance of who you, me, we are.Then one moment becomes the next and the next until we notice that we are in the silence and it is in us. We are here to evolve into Homo Spiritus and to become Homo Universalis, which is to live as spiritual beings in a human form, fully present and feeling our connection to source and to each other. That means awakening in each moment to our divinity and meeting each situation from that space, that God consciousness. Our commitment to that is what carries us through the really difficult times that may arise in our lives.

Self Realization is the process of realizing that you, me, we are the image and likeness of God or whatever you wish to call that divine intelligence in our human form and living as that being regardless of our circumstances.

My spiritual journey has been long and sometimes arduous but I have always been steadfast and determined to be one of those people who live life as her divine presence and I Am self. I have always sought the Truth even when I did not wish to hear it. I have always been the type of person who put her spiritual self-development first, and that included facing some hard realities about myself. I was told a very long time ago that being on a spiritual path is not really hard but it is extremely challenging and requires dedication and a greater desire for freedom more than for anything else.

After years of meditation, activation's from various people, clearing's, healing's and sitting with other awakened beings I am finally experiencing what it means to be truly present in each moment and the beginning of unification with everything and it is nothing like I thought it would be.

Recently I have been experiencing the emptiness of self that dwells within more and more. That peace that passes all understanding emerges stronger and strong when you begin                                                           to focus on it.

That is your remember who you are no matter what shows up. Even if you forget for awhile, you get back on track and tune into that undeniable fact that you are living God/Goddess being and this is your time to show up as that. Now it is more crucial than ever for those of us who are aware of the Truth of who we are to begin to live it more fully and completely. I know from experience that the more you get your egoic fixated self out of the way, and this again can be a process over time called dissolution of the ego, the easier it becomes to know your true nature and to sustain your awareness of the emptiness of being.

Adyshanti once said that most people desire to feel unified with others but feared being nothing or empty. For me the emptiness that is me is pure freedom...freedom from judgment, reactivity, desire, need or from being run by my emotions or my story. When you are truly free of the illusion of ego or false self, you are free to live in each moment, present and aware, following your spirit and trusting the universe.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

New Paradigm Relationships

Are we ready to evolve as a species and in how we relate to each other, regardless of our color, nationality, religious beliefs or form of the relationship? Are we ready to begin to live into the highest and most loving version of ourselves?  

Many of us have sense that there’s a potential for an extraordinary type of human relationship, marked by an unprecedented level of intimacy, vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency, essentially being with each other without any boundaries or barriers, being together truly beyond ego. -  Craig Hamilton

Over the past few year's I have written several articles that have been on the topic of enlightened partnering or conscious relationships for the 21st Century. These articles have spoken not only to romantic relationships but have addressed all forms of how we relate to each other. So when I read an article based on some of the teachings of Craig Hamilton, on A Radical Way to Grow Spiritually in Relationship I was thrilled. First, he mentions that there are three categories of people:

1) Those who have no interest in your personal/spiritual evolution or their own
2) Those who are curious and interested in personal/spiritual evolution, but who aren’t as committed as you to the spiritual path
3) Those who are totally committed to doing their own work and growing with you in an active partnership (what he calls “evolutionary relationships”).

I called these Spiritual or Enlightened Relationships but Craig uses the term Evolutionary which I think is even more accurate. Since the beginning of humanity, we have evolved from Pro-Magnum man to the present form of Homo sapiens. This has been an evolutionary journey and our evolution as a species never stops for in truth if it did humanity would surely annihilate itself. Since we are continuing to evolve in consciousness it makes perfect sense that we should evolve in how we relate to one in other. When people face big challenges such as we face now in our politics and world events, we have two choices. We can devolve and return to our Pro-Magnum thinking or evolve and move into a new kind of human called, Homo Spiritus. Do you think you are ready to evolve?

Craig says that an evolutionary relationship is not necessarily one that is about romance or sex at all. In fact, that dimension can often complicate things. He says that many of us are ready to experience an extraordinary way of being in human relatedness marked by an “unprecedented level of intimacy, vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency, essentially being with each other without any boundaries or barriers, being together truly beyond the ego”.

- You may have experienced this type of relationship already or had a taste of it. It may have been with a friend, partner, co-worker or lover.  I know that I have if only for a brief moment in time. You may have sensed the potential with someone to move into a more dynamic, growing, vital, dynamic, and thriving connection, resisting the urge to rest on familiar, known ground but have not known how to go about cultivating it. 

Very few relationships will ever evolve to this level as it requires a rare quality of dedication to self-awareness that is often a life-long pursuit. 

Craig teaches us how to be proactive about cultivating such relationships. To do this requires essentially establishing a sacred contract, setting up what he calls “an evolutionary partnership”, which can be governed by the following radical principles

Principles of an Evolutionary Partnership

1. The very context and organizing principle of a relationship is our conscious evolution beyond our ego.

This is the very purpose of why we’re in the relationship. Instead of organizing around comfort, survival, mutual benefit, comfort, and connection, in this kind of relationship, we explicitly commit to coming together for a higher purpose. That’s the “why” of the whole thing. We have a shared agreement for why we’re here. Instead of colluding together to protect and preserve the status quo of the relationship, we’re willing to put the relationship at risk, to constantly challenge the relationship, as a way to evolve spiritually together, as a way to avoid falling into stuck, habitual patterns that lead the relationship to go to sleep.

2. We agree to be mutually accountable to something higher than ourselves.

In most conventional relationships, we’re attempting to negotiate between two people’s individual needs and desires. The personal self is the only context we have, so the relationship is the result of two isolated personal selves with their own unique agendas attempting to negotiate so they can be in a relationship together without too much conflict. Typically, we ask, “What do YOU want to do? What do I want to do? What are we both willing to give up so we can meet in the middle?” But in an evolutionary relationship, our #1 priority is aligning with Divine will, rather than focusing exclusively on our own personal desires or the desires of the person we’re in partnership with. When a conflict comes up, we’re interested not just in both personal points of view, but in what’s the right thing to do from the highest perspective, in service to the highest good of all beings. It’s about not caring so much what you get out of the relationship or what the other person gets out of it. It’s more about a mutual seeking of truth, of what’s right and whole and aligned. We ask, instead, “What’s the right thing to do to the best that we can discern it?” This way, there is no fundamental conflict. You both want the same thing…the highest good, rather than focusing on personal desires. You’ll always find your way through when you’re genuinely prioritizing this outcome. There is no “winner” or “loser” because the highest good always wins- and you both want that.

3. We recognize that we have an ego, that we’re prone to error.

Because we acknowledge that we both have egos, we know that we are prone to misinterpretation of circumstances. I defined ego here, according to Craig’s definition, so don’t be misled by a term that often gets misused. Read what I wrote about ego here. When we both acknowledge our own egos and our potential for error, we come together with the commitment to try to see clearly, beyond the ego. This means we’re willing to call each other on unhealthy patterns and try to break those patterns. It’s an exercise in mutual humility, acknowledging that we aren’t going to do it right, that our egos are going to screw us up, but that we’re mutually committed to trying to uncover what is true, in spite of being prone to error. This way, there’s no compulsion to defend your point of view. You’re both committed to seeing what is true. It’s a radical act, to be willing to stop defending your motives whenever you are challenged. Because we both have egos, we must recognize that we’re prone to distortions and be willing to acknowledge that with humility.

4. Despite the fact that we have egos and are prone to error, we want to be accountable to our potentials, to our highest and best selves.

This means that even though both parties know we are prone to errors in judgment and distortion, we’re not using that as an excuse at all. We are acknowledging that we always have a choice in the matter. Our egoic limitations are not an excuse for not showing up fully. We acknowledge that we have a right to expect this from each other, even though we have egos and tendencies for error. This only works with two people who are really committed to showing up in this way, wanting to be accountable and be held accountable. It’s not about always getting it right. We’re going to screw up. It’s not about beating each other up for our tendency to be prone to error. It’s about committing to operating at a risk-taking edge, which requires a lot of trust and commitment to mutual accountability.

5. The context for our engagement together is about leaning into our evolutionary edges, where we’re growing and evolving, sharing a mutual interest in our evolving edges.

 Rather than meeting in our limitations, fears, and doubts, colluding in how we’re failing to show up to our highest potential, complaining about what doesn’t work, we take a stand for meeting in service to our highest potentials. Some relationships are based on sharing every that’s wrong or not working or where we’re struggling or fearful. This fifth principle is about making that off limits, not that there’s no place to talk about your limitations, but that the relationship is meant to lift up what’s possible, rather than to devolve into a shared bitchfest that drags both parties down. The context for the engagement, therefore, is a place of desiring to manifest our highest potential, taking a stand for one another’s higher potential, reaching for what’s possible, sharing what comes up as we awaken. It’s a positive, uplifting context for engagement, but a challenging one, because it’s a stretch and requires moving out of habitual patterns that tend to plague a lot of spiritually-minded or psychologically-minded relationships.

6. We agree to be mirrors for one another.

Rather than merely affirming each other’s self-image, as most relationships operate, we agree to be a reflection for the other person about the things that might be outside of their awareness. We tend to see others more clearly than we see ourselves. As evolutionary partners, we agree to lovingly and gently, without judgment, point out blind spots in each other to help illuminate what we might not be seeing clearly in ourselves. This includes mirroring back not only negative traits- things that need to evolve- but also positive things that we may not see within ourselves. This includes mirroring back how we’re growing and where we’re making progress. We can not only help undo negative patterns; we can also mirror back the uplifting things we may not see in ourselves. This means being willing to challenge each other’s assumptions, really striving to help each other see ourselves more clearly.

7. We aspire to set an example for one another.

We are not perfect. We are not going to always get it right. But we are aspiring to model what it means to have an evolutionary and enlightened relationship to life, stretching vulnerability into the unknown. We aspire to uplift each other through our own examples. This means radical transparency. In many close relationships, you devolve when you get comfortable. You let that person see your worst self. But in these relationships, we aspire to be our best selves, not our worst self with each other.

Are You Involved In Any Evolutionary Relationships? Do You Feel They Are Possible?

What have you learned from engaging with another person in this way? What challenges have you faced? What triumphs have you experienced? Share your wisdom and stories in the comments.