What Does it Mean to be Sex Positive?

Being a sex-positive individual and growing up in a primarily sexually dysfunctional culture has definitely been a challenge.  I have always been a person who enjoyed sex for the most part, even when I knew nothing about how to turn my own body on or communicate what I liked or did not like to my current lover.  I used attend HAI (Human Awareness Institute) meetings and learn all about alternative sexual realities way back in the 80’s, and that truly opened me up to being less judgmental about how people chose to express their sexuality.  It also allowed me to open up to alternative ways of being in relationships which broadened my horizons. So I could say I was prone to being a sex-positive person but it was not until I began to study Tantra that I found a more sex-positive community of like-minded people. 

It was through my connection with a tantric community that I was involved with for about 2 years that I really began to open to what it meant to be a sex-positive individual and to just be more accepting of my sexuality.  I have always been pretty comfortable with my body but became even more aware that if I did not like something about myself the man I was with would often pick up on the energy and reflect that back.  So I just started to love my body the way it was and that got reflected back too. I learned that I needed to take responsibility for my sexual pleasure whether it was by self-pleasuring or by being with a man.  I also learned how to open to receiving pleasure as well as learning how to be a very giving lover for my partner and how to communicate my wants or needs to my partner.  I guess I was fortunate to find this particular path that allowed me to merge sex and spirit.

In many ways, we have undergone a sexual revolution at least to the degree that there are more people who are more open to exploring their sexuality and yes women have at least been able to finally acknowledge in public that they are sexual beings.  But in all honesty, I still perceive the United States at least as still being in high school when it comes to sex.  You remember what it was like don’t you when you were in high school and the subject of sex came up?  There was a lot of giggles from the girls and a lot of bragging from the guys who seemed to just want as to get it as much as they could.  Sex was still a forbidden subject and something to be discussed only behind closed doors. 

Unfortunately, it hasn’t really changed that much. Sex is still perceived as something that is usually forbidden, taboo, dirty, not really a part of a normal healthy lifestyle.  With the help of the media, music, movies, the porn industry and other social influences, the subject of sex is still not projected as spiritual, wholesome, healthy, or natural in our culture.

Imagine what it would be like if our culture could view sex and sexuality as just part of being human.  That all creatures including us humans were sexual by design and that it was a very natural expression of ourselves.  Imagine what that would feel like to live in a world where sex was no longer a taboo or really good sex was no longer called ‘dirty’ or where the way in which a person expressed their sexuality was not judged.

  How to Become a More Sex Positive Person

• Embracing a more tantric lifestyle is one way that you can become more sex-positive.  The basic precepts of  Neo-Tantra are that it embraces all of what life has to offer.  It has a more all-inclusive approach to life since it considers all things in life to be opportunities that can help us to grow and move into higher states of consciousness. It offers you the opportunity to embrace a more positive attitude about not only your own sexual expression but how others choose to express themselves as well.  Tantra is not only about sacred sexuality but it is also about being more open-minded and willing to allow for all perspectives.

• Take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure and learn how to communicate lovingly your sexual preferences to your partner.  Keep open-minded about sexual exploration and trying on new ways to play with each other.  

• Educate yourself on some of the other ways people choose to express themselves sexually.  By confronting your own judgments about S&M or Polyamory for instance you will develop a more accepting and tolerant way of being toward other forms of sexual expression.

• Develop ways to connect into or create your own sex-positive community.  It always helps to have friends that support your values and who are more aligned with how you view the world. This does not mean that you discard those who don’t but it does mean to cultivate a few new friends who are sex positive too. 

Being a sex-positive person also requires that we take responsibility for creating the change we want to see in our world.  If you want to live in a society that is more sex-positive than we have to embody that quality but also teach it to our kids and support those organizations that are trying to effect a larger shift within your community etc.